How Health and Wellness Coaching Began Healing my People-Pleasing Tendencies

Are Health and Wellness Coaches Recovering People-pleasers? | Chronically Climbing

In the fall of 2024, I began pursuing a health and wellness coaching program. I am still working toward certification. When I started, I had no idea what the future held - just that I was excited about the possibilities.

As cheesy as it sounds, I have always felt called to help people. When I was a junior in high school, I remember my mom asking what I wanted to do with my life. I had no idea. I searched for the "right" answer instead of the one I truly wanted. Still, I knew acting was the "wrong" answer - it wasn't practical enough, and I had to consider my health as someone living with a chronic illness, though I had dreamed of it since I was 10. Oh, how I wanted to wave the Disney Channel magic wand like Selena Gomez!

Crying on the bed, I exhaled, "I don't know. I just want to help people."

Maybe the Peace Corps? I must have gotten that idea from a Disney Channel Original Movie (DCOM). That didn't happen, so I continued with the arts, eventually earning a bachelor's degree in communication.

Growing up in a religious household, service-oriented work was emphasized. We quickly learned the value of supporting others. Needless to say, I took the golden rule - "treat others how you want to be treated" - very seriously.

This, among other things, molded me into a complete people-pleaser. I don't admit that with pride. At 31, I've learned it's not about eradicating flawed behaviors but about managing them more effectively. More on that later.

When I began health and wellness coaching, one of the first things my professors shared about people-pleasing stuck with me. They said something like, "Many health and wellness coaches are recovering people-pleasers." A light bulb went off.

I thought this was a good thing - I was in the right place! And I was, but not in the way I expected…

Being a health and wellness coach means helping others make the changes they want to see in themselves, whether related to work, home, movement, nutrition, habits, or anything else the client wants to explore. The coach's role is to sit in the passenger seat, holding space while the client evokes their own inner wisdom.

However, holding people accountable requires letting go of the need to be liked. And for people-pleasers like me, that's a tough pill to swallow. Completing this program tested and strengthened my character more than I anticipated. It forced me to confront how I was dissociating or over-conceptualizing rather than being present, actively listening, and recognizing the real-life value of everything around me.

Without sharing too much, I'll say this program woke me up a bit. Health and wellness coaching is not about giving advice. That is one of the last things you should be doing. The goal is to help the client direct themselves. You should never spoon-feed answers.

The good news? We often know the answers we seek more than we give ourselves credit for. A health and wellness coach helps you bring those answers forward, apply them, and hold yourself accountable to the self you envision. At least, that's how I understand it now. My perspective will continue to evolve as I grow in this practice. Every coach describes it slightly differently, but we all follow a core methodology.

I attempted many practice sessions with strangers leading up to completing this program. Some went well, others did not. Some people I helped, others ghosted me. (I deserved it - I had so much left to learn.) But I learned not to take it personally.

There were times I had to cancel sessions due to my own medical challenges. I didn't like it, but I wasn't in the right headspace to serve clients during those times.

Going through health and wellness coaching wasn't easy. I expected it to be challenging, but I didn't expect it to be so transformative.

To be an effective health and wellness coach, you must prioritize self-care and self-reflection. You must address your own biases and triggers so they don't interfere with your sessions. You must unlock and manage the things holding you back.

And while I can't say I'm no longer a people-pleaser, I have developed incredible coping mechanisms from this program - tools I can apply to myself and others. Health and wellness coaching is a unique practice, and I wish more of its lessons were taught in schools. If they were, perhaps we would be more holistically integrated earlier in life. I'd love for all children and adults alike to be exposed to these concepts. I'm confident we'd cultivate more enriched, empathetic, and accountable societies.

During my practice sessions, I learned that people-pleasing can lead to operating out of scope - a huge no-no. While it's okay for a client to share, a coaching session should never turn into a venting session. That can overlap with therapy, which is completely outside a health and wellness coach's scope. Even if a coach holds multiple credentials, it's crucial to clarify when they're operating in different capacities. There are fine lines that must not be crossed.

The common thread through all these experiences has been transformation. Whether as a coach or client - and often, we play both roles in life - you must be willing to change and face hard truths about yourself and your surroundings to reach the self you envision. If we can't accept constructive feedback and hold ourselves accountable, we can't experience the change we're capable of.

And we are so capable. You are so capable. (I swear, I'm not just saying that to please you.)